Deviation Actions
Literature Text
"Why, no, silly girl," the man replied. "I'm blind."
"I know that. Can you see?"
The man thought hard. He couldn't remember one moment when he had vision. "I'm sorry, my girl, but my eyes are broken. I don't understand what you mean."
"I guess you can't then..." The girl sighed, defeated.
She spent her whole life searching. She learned many languages and toured many countries during her mission, but none brought her to who she was looking for. One day, when she was old and retired, she sat on her front porch, feeling the soft breeze blow through her hair and listening to the soft creaking of the floorboards under her rocking chair. She looked out at her world with reverence. It was beautiful. "I wonder why no one else can see," she said.
A young boy stopped in front of the porch and looked up at the woman. "See what?" he asked.
"The beauty."
"I can see it," the boy said, smiling at the sparkle in the old woman's eyes. "I don't know how, though..."
"Why's that?" She asked, as the boy joined her on her porch.
"Because I'm blind."
Never Back Down
A Beautiful Moment
Is It Wrong?
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What a thought-provoking piece this is. To me, the meaning is ambiguous – 'the beauty' surely means different things to different people. It's well structured and well told. I would just suggest a couple of minor changes.
For me, the word 'retired' doesn't seem to fit; it feels more a word for someone with a 'normal' life (for want of a better expression) – this character feels more like someone who would 'settle' or 'come home' or something like that. And finally: '”Why's that?” She asked'; should be a lower case 's' on 'she'. Seeing this makes me wonder about 'The girl sighed'; this would also need changing if it is a continuation of the sentence rather than a new one (as I read it), like you have with 'the man replied' , 'he asked' and 'the boy said'.
Beautiful ending.
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